If CoronaVirus doesn’t kill me, exercising will

#The CoronaDiaries

Credit: PA Images

JOE Wicks. Aye, that (had to google who he was and I now have the biggest crush on him, A Man!!) fittie who is doing workouts aimed at children who are missing out on school and PE. And as much as I would like to join in on his workouts, I would, admittedly, feel a bit silly doing them. They are also at 9am. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person whose sleep routine has gone out the window.

Sorry, I’m unfit- this is a shock to no one

So, me and my friend decided to do a 30-day workout challenge. Chloe Ting’s Ab Workout Challenge to be exact. Before I start telling you about my exercise experience, I’m going to provide some context; I have not done PE since year 9. Years 10 and 11? My PE teacher let me and my friends vibe in the school pool for an hour with floaties and pool noodles. So please do not laugh at how unfit I am when I tell you how difficult this workout was.

This workout is a free 30-day planned challenge found on Ting’s website. My tummy is getting a bit more chunky than I’d like it to be (thank you stress eating). So my friend and I decided to try and at least not look like jelly when we run, jump or move in any way whatsoever.

Exercising after seven years of the couch potato life

I place my laptop on the floor downstairs in the front room and I play the first video of the day. I was very reluctant to start, to be honest. As soon as I pressed play, I regretted doing it in the front room with the blinds open. After closing the blinds and jogging on the spot, I notice my dad in the other room. My highly athletic brother is also there. I felt judged by their mere presence.

I ‘run’ upstairs.

My room is a pigsty right now; not exactly the best place to work out but I make do with the space I had. I was doing the low-level exercises which were okay for a while until she demanded that I do a burpee. At that point, I started feeling defeated. I got very red and sweaty very quickly – we were only 10 minutes in! As we were halfway through the 20-minute workout, she said in the video, “to start doing the low-level exercises if you feel tired.” To me? That was a big F-you.

MY BODY IS ALREADY DESTROYED AFTER DOING THE LOW-LEVEL EXERCISES. I broke down in tears, feeling embarrassed and insecure. I felt exactly how I felt in secondary school PE. Or when a young teen laughed at me when it was my first time at the gym. I’m not going to deny it, I’m not exactly skinny.

I am trying to get fit but I feel so beaten-up by past experiences I feel like I can’t do it.

Relatability? I don’t know her, I only know “You can do it.”

To be honest, the preppy instructor saying inspiring things doesn’t work for me. I need someone relatable, who knows exactly what you’re feeling. Someone that doesn’t say, “FEEL THE PAIN YOU’RE AMAZING!!!!!” I want someone who says, “I know you feel like you want to die right now but I promise you, the harder you work now the more pasta you’ll be able to eat without feeling guilty, later.” I know that’s kind of counterproductive but I want someone who really knows. Someone who really understands my pain.

I mean it when I say pain, though. After my 10 minutes of very minor exercise, I was aching and cramping up. The next day was awful. I struggled to get out of bed and my legs were constantly cramping; they still are, to be honest. It physically hurts to move, to walk, to even sit down on the sofa.

(Little side-note to add, it is April 1 as I’m writing this sentence and my legs still hurt! My stomach hurts now, too. It has been over two days since I last did exercise. Remind me to never exercise again!)

Maybe it was a mistake to jump in at the deep end. Maybe I should have started off with the Joe Wicks routine aimed at seven-year-olds or started going on my government-allocated daily walk. I have not left the house in a while.

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