RIGHT, okay, I’m being real here. This is going to be raw. I’m going to voice a truth that everyone is feeling right now: QUARANTINE SUCKS!
Yeah, I totally get it. I understand why covidiots in the South are sunbathing in Shepherds Bush and that people are treating it as a holiday. It doesn’t make it right though. We all need to stay in.
I am asking from the bottom of my heart to please stay in. You are putting peoples lives at risk. Not only their physical health but their mental health.
Everyone is riddled with various levels of anxiety due to uncertainty. I’m hating the complete lack of social interaction I’m getting. Negative thoughts are intensely dwelled upon. I have had to cover my bedroom mirror over with a blanket, as my negative thoughts are taking over my life.
Obviously my routine has changed, I’m slipping into unhealthy eating habits and not even leaving my bedroom, so, of course, a double chin is going to slowly become a permanent feature on my face from every angle.
My stomach is going to change as I put on weight. I keep telling myself, reassuring myself, that these changes are okay. It’s okay to put on weight after having an unusually fat scran of various snacks. I have evolved from only having a small packet of crisps a day to a few packets to eating an entire share bag.
I have had eating issues in the past you see. An unhealthy relationship with food has always lingered since I was around 13. I’m not going to get into it, as my mental health history is a cocktail of issues, but let’s say I’ve been both ends of the body type spectrum.
I was borderline anorexic and I’m currently struggling with weight being put on. “It’s okay though, I need to stop being negative,” I mutter to myself. “It’s okay Liv, everyone’s weight fluctuates, especially during, you know, the world in a global lockdown.”
And because I need a big shot of dopamine and serotonin, I have now decided to spend money on online shopping. Clothes to be exact. But because I feel like a depressed blob right now, the models on various clothing websites, like Pretty Little Thing or Boohoo, look like they are mocking me with their sharp jawlines, visible collarbones and teeny-tiny waistlines.
I don’t want to get into a massive feminist rant right now but COME ON!
We are all sitting in our beds watching Netflix in our 3three-day-old pyjamas with messy buns and food stains slopped down our tops. I do NOT need to see the “ideal female form” right now!
After a good Netflix binge of whatever show I’m obsessed with (it’s currently Brooklyn 99, as season six is on) and I’ve reached the bottom of my share bag of crisps and run out of Wine Gums, I’ll force myself to haul my arse out of bed and trek to the local Sainsburys.
Oh, wait. I forgot. Its the apocalypse. So I’m stood in a food-stained hoodie, looking proper rough in a queue bending around the Sainsburys and snaking its way into the car park with massive two-metre gaps between us all.
The queue moves every few minutes, all of us shuffling awkwardly a few paces forward until its time. Our time to enter our beloved, but vandalised, Sainsbury’s. The door is guarded by some middle-aged man in a high-vis vest (who is doing bits for us all, so a big thank you to security and supermarket staff at this time).
He holds the ultimate power in this situation, stopping yobs and chavs raiding Sainsbury’s and pushing in this essential queue.
I get in and I instantly see to the far right that the booze has quite obviously sold out. All the pubs and clubs are closed. What do us Brits do in dire times? We have a nice bevvy and try to relax.
And to be honest, I don’t blame them, I’ve been having my 14 or so units a week, in comparison to having them all in one on a Friday night, in my favourite clubbing establishment (shout out to Indie-P).
I obviously go straight towards the snacks, and I mentally debate between Kettle crisps or Pringles (half price right now). I go with Kettle crisps and before heading to the checkout, I swipe a bottle of blue WKD to try and recreate a famous Sunderland-born pint at home.
Exiting the store, after paying for all my items, I feel overcome with emotions. The streets are so quiet, people are walking around with surgical masks, bandannas, scarves, whatever they have in the house to cover their faces.
The other day I went to Aldi and I was given some plastic gloves to wear by my dad. A few weeks ago this would be considered crazy and over the top. Now? It is extremely reasonable.
Everything looks vaguely dystopian. I wouldn’t be surprised if zombies started rising from the concrete and started groaning “braaaaiiiiiins”.
As I said at the start, people are treating this lockdown as a holiday. It’s not by the way. MANY people would appreciate all the covidiots to stay in. (I’m trying not to swear whilst writing this, but there are some selfish people who anger me so much, so bear with the ‘covidiot’ term and maybe think of a colourful word in place of it).
Staying in prevents the spread and reduces the amount of time we have to spend indoors. So do us all a favour, and stay in!
I can’t be arsed with more quarantine time because some selfish covidiot thinks it’s funny to have BBQs with their entire family in a public space. It’s not the time. Once this is all over we will have all the time in the world to have barbeques with family and friends, a refreshing alcoholic beverage in one hand and a half-eaten chicken drumstick in the other.
Stay safe and stay inside.